How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so let's talk penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
