dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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