I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
