Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
