I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
