but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
