I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
