I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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