I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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