I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
