He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
