i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
