Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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