pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They have beer where we have blood.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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