Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
