So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
