theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
