so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
