She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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