I think I won the penis lottery.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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