I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
