Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
