i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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