Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
