Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
