it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
