I faked an abortion last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
