Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
