It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
