is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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