well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
