I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
