Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
