tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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