I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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