Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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