Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
