i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We left the knife in your bed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
