Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
from now on my penis is your penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
