For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize