I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize