Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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