when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
