Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
