Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
