who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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