Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
