it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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