We're facebook friends in real life
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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