I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
