I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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