HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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