i love accidental penises.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
