Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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