Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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