you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
