Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
