she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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