my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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