I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize