im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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