No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
