someone get that fucking seahorse.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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