When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
