i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
