no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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