I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
