I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
this hospital has no fireball
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
