Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
