Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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