There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
