I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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