I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
