...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
